I hit a major roadblock while translating Chapter 2 of Journey to the West, and thought I would share my process with you. In the story, Wukong is receiving the secret to immortality at the bedside of his master, a Daoist sage. However, instead of giving Wukong specific instructions or an incantation a la Harry Potter or something, we get this 8-line poem filled with religious imagery, none of which I am familiar with. Here it is, the secret to immortality:
显密圆通真妙诀，惜修生命无他说。
都来总是精气神，谨固牢藏休漏泄。
休漏泄，体中藏，汝受吾传道自昌。
口诀记来多有益，屏除邪欲得清凉。
得清凉，光皎洁，好向丹台赏明月。
月藏玉兔日藏乌，自有龟蛇相盘结。
相盘结，性命坚，却能火里种金莲。
攒簇五行颠倒用，功完随作佛和仙。
The first step in my process when it comes to translating Journey to the West is I typically listen to a recording of the passage and just jot down the general gist of things. After that, I will toss the whole thing, one sentence at a time, into MDBG (my go-to online Chinese dictionary), which breaks it down for me one character or phrase at a time. Then I will do a final pass where I try to revise and edit for clarity and flow in English. In this case, because honestly I had no idea what was going on here, I skipped straight to step two, and then had to revise it many times until I got a result I liked. Here is my first pass trying to just understand each line.
To reveal the secret true wonderful/cool saying, cherish/precious life there’s nothing else
Everything is from the three energies/humors. Tightly guard and store these to prevent leak/escape?
Prevent a leak, store in the body. Receive my teachings and you will flourish??
Memorize the formula and benefit??? purge/reject/exorcise lust/appetite/desire and obtain cool/refreshing?
Obtaining the cool, shining bright, able to enjoy moonlight/perfection facing dan tai (immortality?)
The moon stores the jade rabbit, the sun stores the crow. The tortoise and snake are intertwined
Intertwined, life is strong, can plant the gold lotus in the fire
Gather the five elements closely and use them back and forth/to and fro. Once accomplished can become Buddha or immortal easily/at will.
As you can see, it’s incredibly clunky and WTF-inducing. At this point I still didn’t understand what the poem was saying at all – I didn’t understand the imagery (leaks? obtaining cool? all of these animals?) or honestly what the instructions toward immortality were supposed to be. At this point I turned to the footnotes in Prof. Yu’s translation and read quite a few Wikipedia articles.
On the second pass, my goal was to transform this chicken-scratch to something that sounds and flows like English. For every slash that I had in the first pass, I made a choice about which word most represented the concept presented. I also made more decisions about the religious concepts and imagery. For example, the word 诀 from the first line is a word I have trouble with a lot in this whole story. This word typically describes a trick or oral mnemonic that helps you remember something – every Chinese kid learns a 诀 for remembering their multiplication tables, for example. Here, 诀 became “principle”, as the master is describing the secret formula/technique to achieve immortality. Other imagery, such as the line about the moon, rabbit, sun, and crow, I still didn’t quite understand, so I left it as is.
To reveal the central principle, simply cherish and safeguard life.
Sperm, breath, and spirit – these fuel life. Store them securely and seal them within.
Contain them and let not them escape. Follow my teachings and you will flourish.
The formula imparts many benefits. Reject desire and accept tranquility.
Achieve harmony, which shines bright. Behold the elixir and regard the moon.
The moon conceals the jade rabbit, the sun harbors the crow. The tortoise and snake are intertwined.
Intertwined, life is strong. Cultivate the golden lotus within the flame.
Store and recirculate the five humors. Master this and Buddha or immortal you shall be.
As you can see, what I have after this pass has no real cohesion or poetic structure. The real reason I was still unhappy with what I had here, though it’s quite a direct translation, is that the typical English reader would really have no idea how to achieve immortality after reading this. There is still too much unfamiliar imagery and too many strange references. On the other hand, after hearing this Wukong has an epiphany and understands right away. I want this passage to have a similar effect on the reader.
To do that, the reader needs to have an understanding of this particular belief system, which is that there is a finite life source in the body as represented by bodily fluids and energies – sperm, breath, and spirit (and others) – and that these energies are drained whenever you exert yourself, i.e. through passion, lust, and desire. Only by finding “inner peace” can you perfectly recycle these energies and keep them inside the body, thereby creating an infinite life source. To make all of this clear, most of the imagery had to go. I also decided I did want to keep a poetic structure because it felt more ~wise and mysterious~.
Here is my final translation:
The central principle, the critical key: simply safeguard the life you keep.
Sperm, breath, and spirit are vital to life. Secure them tightly lest outward they seep.
Seal them within and let not them escape. Heed my teachings to follow the Way.
Master the key to obtain much good. Find peace by keeping desire at bay.
Tranquility shines with purest light. In golden pearl and moon delight.
With heart, lungs, gut, mind intertwined, immortality you shall find.
When intertwined, life is strong. Plant the lotus in the flame.
When vital humors recirculate, Buddha and immortal shall be your name.
Etymology Adventures 