The Steward of Order, in accordance with the edict, completed a detailed investigation and returned to report: “The one who wreaked havoc in Heaven is none other than the Great Sage, Equal to Heaven.” He gave a full recounting of the incidents. The Jade Emperor was furious. He commanded the Four Heavenly Kings, together with Lord Li and Prince Nezha, to appoint the twenty-eight Constellations, the nine Heavenly Bodies, the twelve Hours, the Guardians of the Five Directions – all the host of Heaven,1 in total a hundred thousand heavenly soldiers – to go to the Lower Realms, erect eighteen cosmic nets, and lay siege to Huaguo Mountain to capture the criminal for punishment. The expedition:
Yellow dust rolled to darken the sky like a blanket, purple steaming fog covered the earth in twilight. Because the yao monkey had deceived the highest god, the host of heaven was commanded to descend to the mortal sphere. The Four Heavenly Kings commanded the troops. The Five Guardians led the infantry. The Pagoda-Bearing Lord Li supervised at the center. Fierce Nezha acted as vanguard. Luohou Star and Jidu Star, Master Lune and Master Sol, the five Planets, and the nine Heavenly Bodies: this army of gods descended in a storm2 wheeling spears and brandishing swords. The storm descended upon the mortal sphere and pitched its tents in front of Huaguo Mountain.
The Five Planets
In Chinese, the planets are named after the five classical Chinese elements. Mercury is the Water Star 水星, Venus is the Gold Star 金星, Mars is the Fire Star 火星, Jupiter is the Wood Star 木星, and Saturn is the Earth Star 土星. After these five “original” planets, Uranus is 天王星，Neptune is 海王星, Pluto is 冥王星. As you can see, star, planet, and dwarf planet are all 星.
As the poem says:3
A heaven-born monkey with many forms
stole elixir and wine for his mountain den fun.
Because he ruined the Immortal Peach Feast,
Heaven’s army spread a net at his door.
At once Lord Li passed down commands for the army of Heaven to pitch their camp, to lay siege to Huaguo Mountain such that not even water could trickle past. They set up 18 sets of Cosmos net and sent out the nine Heavenly Bodies first to do battle. The nine Heavenly Bodies brought their troops to the mouth of the cave and saw the herd of monkeys playing outside the cave. The Nine generals called out loudly: “Little yao!4 Where is your Great Sage? We are Immortals from Heaven and we have come to arrest your havoc-wreaking Great Sage. Go quickly and tell him to submit peacefully, if you even think of uttering “No”, you will all share in his punishment!” The little yao hurried to pass on the message: “Great Sage! There’s big trouble! Big trouble! There are nine angry immortals outside who say they are Heavenly Immortals who have come to arrest you!”
Havoc-wreaking Great Sage
造反的大圣 is the phrase I’ve translated as “Havoc-wreaking Great Sage.” 造反 can mean “wreaking havoc,” but it also mean “revolting” or “rebelling.” An exasperated parent may also exclaim to their child, “你想造反吗?” when they are being especially unreasonable.
At that moment, the Great Sage was sharing the stolen heavenly wine with the 72 yao lords of the mountain and the four trusty advisors. He disregarded this news, saying, “We have wine today, so we’ll get drunk today, don’t worry about anyone at our door!” Before he finished, more little yao bounded in and said, “Those nine angry immortals are right outside, screaming threats and insults!” The Great Sage laughed, “Ignore them. Today is for enjoying the poetry and wine. For now, do not ask when we will achieve glory and fame.” Again he was interrupted by a group of little yao who came to report: “Boss!5 Those angry immortals broke down our door and are fighting their way in!” “These brutes have no respect!” The Great Sage said angrily. “I have no quarrel with them, why are they breaking down my door?” He ordered the one-horned demons to lead the 72 yao lords to battle, while Old Sun would lead the four generals6 behind. The one-horned demons and yao lords went out to meet the assault but found themselves ambushed by the nine Heavenly Bodies and blockaded at the steel bridge, unable to press forward.
In the midst of the hubbub, the Great Sage arrived. With a shout of “Make way!”, he pulled out his iron staff, waved it until it was the circumference of a bowl and ten or so feet in length, and plunged into battle, an army in his own right. The nine Heavenly Bodies dared not oppose him and hastily beat a retreat. Back in their battle formation, the nine Heavenly Bodies called, “You crazy Horse’s Fortune, you have committed the ten base evils. Stealing peaches, stealing wine, wreaking havoc on the Banquet of Immortal Peaches, stealing pearls of immortality from the venerable Lao Tzu, you even stole the heavenly spirits to fuel your debauchery. Don’t you know you’ve piled crime upon crime?” The Great Sage laughed. “I did indeed do all of those things, but what are you going to do about it?”
The Heavenly Bodies said, “By the Jade Emperor’s decree, we have come to arrest you. Give yourself up and come quietly now, before all of these people pay with their lives. Else we will flatten this mountain and gouge out this cave!” The Great Sage was furious. “You ignorant immortals, what manner of magic have you that you dare spew such nonsense? Don’t go anywhere. Have a taste of my stick!” The nine Heavenly Bodies leapt forward eagerly. The Handsome Monkey King was fearless, wheeling his gold-banded staff, fending off attacks from the left and right. They battled until the nine Heavenly Bodies were weary to the bone and dragging their weapons. They all retreated, defeated. They hastily returned to the tent of Pagoda-Bearing Lord Li and reported: “The monkey king is indeed extremely valiant and brave. We cannot defeat him in battle.”
Lord Li commanded the Four Heavenly Kings and the 28 constellations to go forth into battle. The Great Sage was unafraid. He ordered the one-horned demon kings, the 72 demon lords, and the four monkey generals to array the troops outside the cave entrance. Just look at the chaos of this battle. Have you ever seen anything like it?7
Wukong facing three of the Four Heavenly Kings in the first Black Myth Wukong trailer. 
The Four Heavenly Kings, holding a sword, an instrument, an umbrella, and a snake or dragon.
Freezing gusts whistled through the trees, strange fog darkened the sky. On the one side colorful banners fluttered; on the other side bright polearms glittered. Rows upon rows of helmets reflected the sun like silver chimes ringing against the heavens. Layers upon layers of armor formed bright precipitous cliffs like glaciers flattening the earth. Enormous dao flashed like lightning, snow white spears pierced the clouds. A forest of weapons: halberds and linked whips as dense as the underbrush, bronze swords and shovels arrayed as thickly as trees. Longbows and crossbows with eagle-feathered arrows, clubs and snake-head spears to terrify the soul.8 The Great Sage’s Will-Abiding Staff twisted and turned against heaven’s army. They battled until the sky was emptied of birds and the mountain emptied of beasts. The commotion filled the air with sand and rocks and the entire sky was darkened with the debris. The sound of soldiers clashing shook heavens and earth. The power of demons startled ghosts and immortals.
The chaos of battle commenced in the morning and lasted all the way to sunset. The one-horned demon kings and 72 demon cave lords were captured by the Heavenly Generals. The four monkey generals and all of the monkeys escaped and hid deep withing Shuilian Cave. The Great Sage with his staff single-handedly held off the Four Heavenly Kings, Lord Li, and Prince Nezha in aerial battle. After a long melee, the Great Sage saw that it was getting late and pulled out a mouthful of downy hairs and spat them out with a call of “Change!” Each hair became the likeness of the Great Sage, each wielding a Gold-Banded Staff, and these hundred Sages beat back Prince Nezha and defeated the Heavenly Kings.
Victorious, the Great Sage recalled the downy hairs and turned back to the cave but was met at the head of the steel plank bridge by his four generals and the assembly of monkeys bowing to receive him. The monkeys cried three times and then laughed three times. “Why do you laugh and cry when you see me?” The Great Sage asked. The four generals replied, “This morning when the masters were battling the Heavenly Kings, the 72 yao lords and the one-horned demon kings were all captured by the immortals. Only we escaped, so we cry. Now we see that the Great Sage has returned victorious and without harm, so we laugh.”
The Great Sage said, “Victory and defeat, these are the bread and butter9 for the soldier at war. As they say, “Kill ten thousand, lose three thousand.” Besides, those that were captured were all tigers, leopards, wolves, insects, badgers, deer, foxes, camels, and the like. Not a single one of us monkeys were harmed at all, so why are you so worried? Even though they have been beaten back by the magic of dividing the body, they are still camped at the foot of the mountain. We need to stay on our guard, eat a good meal, get a good night’s rest, and bolster our spirits. Tomorrow, you can watch me work a great magic, capture some of these heavenly generals, and get revenge for us all.” The four generals and all the monkeys drank some bowlfuls of coconut wine and went to sleep.
When the Four Heavenly Kings returned to camp with their army, each reported his accomplishments. Some had capture tigers or leopards, some captured lions or elephants, some captured wolves or insects or foxes or camels, but not one had captured a monkey yao. As the Great Sage had said, they really did build out their camp and strengthen the stockade. The generals ordered the troops to deploy the Cosmic net, fully enveloping Huaguo Mountain, in preparation for the morning’s battle. Each carried out his orders to the letter and the preparations were complete. To learn what transpired when morning came, read on to the next chapter.
1 The host of Heaven conjures an image for me of a crowd of angels, but in the Bible really refers to all of the heavenly bodies (stars and planets). Both connotations help with this translation. ↩
2 Instead of using a phrase like ‘this army of gods’, the original text just lists the entire Daoist pantheon (or what feels like it, anyway.) ↩
3 The story so far has been littered with these poems, but I’ve always translated them as prose up until now. This time I’ve left the verse in, just to experiment. ↩
4 Plurals in English tend to follow the source language, so I’ve decided that yao is the plural of yao. ↩
5 The imps actually say ‘Grandpa! (爷爷) In Chinese culture, which honors the elderly, bosses, landlords, and royalty were sometimes casually called 爷爷 at this time. ↩
6 These are the four old advisors ↩
7 lit. It was astonishing. ↩
8 I’ve tried to preserve the parallel structure of this paragraph to the best to my ability. ↩
9 lit. the common for the soldier. ↩
Etymology Adventures 